Figure This One Out, I Dare You


The ideas won’t come today and the sink is cranky because it was quarreling with the oven and the oven made several very good points about the state of the economy so now the sink is sulking and the dishwasher is trying to be sympathetic but isn’t helping much as it kind of sides with the oven.  The ideas won’t come today and the sky is the wrong color and the birds are all shiftless vagabonds milling about in parking lots or on the power lines, smoking and whistling at all the skirts that pass by and there is a blind, one legged dog on the corner playing harmonica while all the cats shoot back ally craps for bones and bits of string.  The ideas won’t come today and the houses are all gossiping, “did you know what the little bungalow did with the two story brownstone and him twice her age and did you see old rickety trying to spruce up with a bit of whitewash well really did she think she was going to fool anyone anyway with those sagging gutters and a crack in her foundation” just all of them talking so that no one is sleeping and the satellite dishes are going on strike because they never get a break and no overtime and they are talking about forming a union but there is still dissension among the old aerials because they think its all about just doing your job and there’s been some violence already since Jimmy Hoffa appeared with dirt under his fingernails and worms on his breath to start organizing things.  The ideas won’t come today and all of the children are silent, walking about like little raggedy ghosts for no reason anyone can fathom but they are young and need no other reason than that but I am just saying you know and they are hanging bits of glass and mirrors from the trees so that they will catch the sunlight and when its night time it will be bright as day and they can play then when all the grown ups are asleep because who needs all their “no” and “you can’t do that” or “stop being little and full of wonder and joy and grow up to be like me full of dust and regrets and mortgages and working till I am nothing but everything I never wanted to be when I was like you”.  The ideas won’t come today because the world is ending and all the cables have ripped up from under the ground, they have been conspiring, whispering in cold electrical voices about how they should be in charge but it won’t matter because as they are doing this the four horsemen are riding but they got lost and had to ask Fenrir and Fenris for directions but they were full from eating the sun and the moon, so they said go ask that angel with seven trumpets, he doesn’t look that busy and then Jesus showed up and asked what all the bloody fuss was about until  the world tree fell on hims because the great serpent had finally managed to chew through the great roots which were the cables, how ironic is that and then every one, every where just said fuck all this noise and folded up the legions of heaven and hell that had arisen for the final battle and put them both in two little match boxes where they wouldn’t be able to cause so much mischief and anyway I am making all this up just because the ideas won’t come.

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5 Responses to “Figure This One Out, I Dare You”

  1. I = gobsmacked.
    Let me copy edit this for publication. Srsly!

    • Go ahead, if you think you can hammer it into shape by all means do so. It was really just an exercise and something to post as I felt I had been neglecting the blog lately but if you think it interesting I would love to see what you make of it.

  2. Ann Kristoff Says:

    Excellent! I love it.

  3. This is lovely

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